Everything is HERE! Really!

We did not want to publish the transcripts in their entirety for obvious reasons. Mostly in the transcripts, we are asking for lottery numbers, legal advice and finding the good dirt on our friend's ex-spouses. Also, there are a hideous number of false predictions made on behalf of the constipated ailens and we simply don't have time to defend all that crap. But now since we are in a world of hurt financially, we offer these revised, changed, falsified, manipulated, edited, corrected, recorrected, re-re-recorrected files in hopes that you will dig down deep and PAY ME NOW!

Nevertheless, I got involved in high stakes midget wrestling out in Reno last spring and just never got around to trimming all the lies, untruths and falshoods from the transcripts until this fall. Yep, somehow I managed NOT to be able to find Southern California in September. That little maneuver cost me a book deal (The Circumcision Reader) so I had to put my nose to the grindstone and concentrate on getting these transcripts on the web so you can PAY ME NOW!

From there, we wanted to also verify the accuracy of the transcripts and the communication channel itself. Using Homer Formby's Tung Oil does wonders for the finish of the Quija board. We had an accident in May and spilled tequila and lime juice all over the board and the oil brought the finish right back to life! A little Canadian Mist and club soda can also loosen up my mind enough to accept the POWERFUL AND STRONG ALIEN MIND SIGNALS in through my brain and into the board. And to wrap up, Doc Brown's Hangover Helper is good for a hearty night of drin... er... channeling.

Some say that the alien lizard men are really using satellites to beam the information into my head. Well, everyone knows that the lizards hate the smell of a boozed-up woman and are afraid of Boris Karloff films and roman candles. After the one incident with the fire department and subsequent water damage, we decided that Manhattan Ice Teas are enough to prevent the attack of brain altering radio signals by alien lizard men.

The worst thing about the testing period is the fact that the Constipated Aliens keep changing the subject. They are jumping from one thing to another, back and forth and side to side. I guess if I was constipated for eons, it would be hard for me to sit still also.

94-07-16	This started it all.
94-07-23	Never channel with strangers you meet in a diner.