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The name of the game is money.
I am a fat, ruthless bitch who cannot hold down a job. No, you will not find me at the Quicky-Mart unless it is in the candy aisle shoving Snicker bars in my face until I go into a diabetic coma.
Since I am unable to hold down any type of stable employment, have had child services out to my house, allow my children to live in squalor, I had to come up with a plan to get money... And the Cassiopaeans were born.
I have this sweet gimick. I pretend to talk to space aliens on my ouiji board. These aliens speak in English, but I tell everyone that only I can decipher their cryptic meaning. That is how you keep control.
All you got to do is string people along and keep asking them for money, AND THEY PAY IT like the losers they are. But there is a downside, sometimes they expect us to do actual work for the money they give us. Our current scheme is to tell people that we are writing books and allow them to place orders and all we do is pocket the cash. Yep, we haven't cranked out one single book to date. We could have, but we spend most of our time on the web, committing fraud, libel and blackmail against those who happen to point out out inability to tell the truth.
Yeah my kids live in virtual servitude, but fuck my kids. Who cares if they are reading at three grades UNDER the normal level. I simply do not have time to help them with reading or math. And my husband, a PhD, won't lift a finger to help them read either. We have our lives, and the children are parasites left over from my formal marriage. And what excuse did I use to end the marriage? I claimed that my then husband had been possessed by aliens and it fucking worked. Course, I got strapped down with the kids.
I will admit that home schooling has its rewards. Some call it freedom, I call it slavery. The kids do all the cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundry, yard work. Can't beat that. Leaves me more time to scam money off the web.
So what are you waiting for, me to write a book?
Up yours.
Get your credit card.
Click the button.
Pay Me Now.
Also read Why I got arrested for attempted murder and my latest book I will never publish; Attack of the Mutant Foreskin.
We know you can help!
The Constipation Project
With God as my witness I know people feel sorry for
me. They just do not understand the trials and tribulations that I live with
on a daily basis. How can they? They are possessed by lizard aliens and controled
by black helicopters that are owned and operated by the "SECRET"
CIA. Only me and the people on my email list know about them.
Yep, only about 80 people ON THE ENTIRE PLANET know the truth and I am the only one that can explain it to them. They really are children, you see. There is a lot of hand holding that goes on and sometimes I must SMACK THE LITTLE SHITS down hard to keep them in control. Who ever heard of asking questions? Once the children get the BEAT DOWN, they understand who is mother and who is father.
It is total absurdity.
I
swear I would like to smack the idiot who came up with that bumper sticker
that reads "Question Authority." Just who does he think he is? A
writer or something?
"I
have wasted 6 months investigating these "researchers" only to find
that the aliens are phony. The money I gave them for research went to pay
off the lien on their double-wide placed on them by MissCleo.com, Inc. I was
very disappointed to learn that the aliens didn't exist. I have been looking
for some powerful manure to put on my prize winning roses so I figured constipated
aliens MUST be full of some powerful shit." Ingrid Deutsch, Uhwarrie
World News, 1994 Winner Blue Ribbon - Roses, Montgomery County Garden Show
The
Plumbing of the Constipated Intergalatic Aliens
"We move fiber through the large intestine toward
the rectum, which to you, is the end of the line. The rectum stores large
fecal masses until it is transmitted 15-20cm through to the opening called
the anus. Once passed this portal, the feces has a clean shot all the way
to the collecter. Fiber is the main component of fecal density."
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1.
The Foreskin Reader: Portions of the text of is available as
well as the new Adventures with Laura Series. Soon available in hardcopy
as soon as I sober up and ------------------------------------------------------------------------ |